Sunday, December 30, 2018

possibilities beyond the trash fire: looking back (and forward) on 2018

on december 31st, 2008, i moved from northampton to philly--10 years ago, tomorrow. a full decade ago! this is, by far, the longest i have lived anywhere outside of where i grew up. and i really did not plan on staying in philly this long. but here i am...

as i begin to reflect on 2018, this 10th year in philadelphia, i feel more hopeful than the common narrative around me that this was yet another trash fire of a year. i think something shifted this past year. despite the immense challenges ahead, a way out of this nightmare world finally feels possible. it's impossible to deny that our collective political imagination has expanded. what lies ahead is still uncertain, but i am feeling more hopeful now than i have in a while.

this outlook has probably come out of my own experiences in philly. it has been so crucial to build affinity with people here from my radical reading group to the neighborhood abolitionist salon and coordinating events at the wooden shoe. all of these spaces have helped me point toward a liberated new world while also critically taking on the historical legacies of white supremacy, capitalism, and patriarchy. if i didn't have that i would likely feel paralyzed by the trash fire. but paralysis is fucking boring and we have way too much to live for moving ahead...

* * *

so much happened in 2018. in january i moved into a new house, just a few blocks away from where i had been living in west philly. it's been pretty nice going back to my punk house roots, living with a bunch of sweethearts, and paying less money in rent to boot. living closer to the trolley route, i stopped riding my bike as often which has been both a blessing and a curse: i can read and listen to music on my morning commute and avoided getting into any collisions with cars this year. at the same time, i have gotten out of shape and have hemorrhaged way more money than i would like to admit to SEPTA ("we're getting there"). i planned on riding my bike to this coffeeshop (where i'm writing) today, but after failing to successfully pump air in my rear tire, i just resigned myself to walking. and that felt like an appropriate way to close this year out.

walking is still honest.

* * *

in 2018, i stayed busy by organizing a ton of rad events at the wooden shoe: a bunch of queer poetry readings, acoustic shows, and movie nights along with book launches, talks, and discussions on a wide range of issues. these ranged from revolutionary mourning to street medic training to the secret history of tear gas to antifascist education and resistance to greek anarchist organizing to police and prison abolition to overdose prevention to the historical legacies of 1968 to local coalition building to indigenous politics to dreaming up trans utopias to making spaces safer to decolonizing gardens to ecosocialism to troubling islamophobia to feminist re-enchantment beyond witch hunts to grand jury resistance and more...so many events!

i continued to do much of that organizing on the clock at my straight office job. i feel lucky that i have been able to carve out that time on the clock to work on the stuff that i really care about; the work that is actually meaningful in my life. it's bizarre, though, that i am approaching my 3 year anniversary at that job. who would have thought i would be doing that for so long? not me. but it's okay for now as it allows me to live my life and not create too much stress or pain.

i also had the pleasure of seeing a lot of great live music in 2018. almost every band on my top 10 album of the year list came through philly including screaming females, la luz, parquet courts, deafheaven, and pile. i celebrated my 37th birthday by seeing yo la tengo and, earlier that week, mirah at johnny brenda's. i went up to new york for may day and got to see screaming females again, this time opening for the breeders who i love so much. their new album 'all nerve' was my favorite of the year. and i still have never seen the coup live, but their soundtrack to 'sorry to bother you' (the best movie of 2018!) was also one of my faves. and i did get to see boots riley introduce and discuss the film at a pre-screening later in may at international house.

in 2018, i finally got a credit card. this allowed me to take a spontaneous trip at the end of the summer out to chicago to visit my dear friend kelly berry from bard. we celebrated our old professor joel kovel's life on what would have been his 82nd birthday by seeing a musical tribute to the haymarket martyrs. and i sang an against me! song at the eco-collective (where kelly lives) for the touring show on vulnerability 'i am a naked person.' it felt good to be able to say yes and to not really know what to expect.

on labor day weekend i travelled back to cape cod to celebrate my grandmother's 95th(!) birthday with the rest of my family. we reunited again for the holidays with her which was really nice, but also a little hectic and stressful--like the holidays always tend to be.

and now i'm back in philly. 10 years after moving here, i'm appreciating the philly people in my life and missing those who live far away, wondering if or when we'll be neighbors again. i don't see myself in this city forever and that's alright. it's been a good run, but it still doesn't quite feel like...home.

* * *

in 2019, i want to focus on health--both physical and mental. i want to be more conscious of the ways i'm living and work on making healthier decisions. since i haven't been biking, i want to start going to a gym at least a couple days a week. and i want to cook for myself more and eat out less in the new year. this will be a way to save money too and make healthier financial choices in general. hopefully i'll start getting paid a little more too. we'll see!

here's to new possibilities and love to you all in the new year and beyond.   
   

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