goodbye winter. goodbye wisconsin.

goodbye for now, wisconsin. i'm leaving you for a week and half to play by the pacific ocean. i might miss you a little, but probably not. your lingering snow and frozen lakes are bringing me down. that shit better be melted when i come back to you. in return i'll make the sun stay out an hour later.

goodbye, wisconsin. i'll tell california you say hello.

amelie equinox

things are looking up. a week from today i will be in california, escaping the winter despair. i can't wait to be back in the bay area and to see all of these amazing people that i care about so much.

when i return it will be spring. the days will be an hour longer and soon i can walk around outside in a t-shirt searching for adventures.

can you hear the accordian playing?
let's skip some stones together.

"we regret to inform you"

that's right. yesterday, the mail i had been waiting for this whole time i've been back in madison arrived. the envelope was light and after i reached that second sentence i yelped, "fuck!" and kim knew exactly what that meant as she read the newspaper at the kitchen table next to me.

so now what?

i'm more determined to dive into this project now because nothing is holding me back. i just need to overcome my crippling financial situation. i need to sell myself, somehow.

any ideas?

*

"Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel, for example--
I mean without looking for something beyond and above living,
I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Living is no laughing matter: you must take it seriously,
so much so and to such a degree
that, for example, your hands tied behind your back,
your back to the wall,
or else in a laboratory in your white coat and safety glasses,
you can die for people--
even for people whose faces you've never seen,
even though you know living is the most real,
the most beautiful thing.
I mean, you must take living so seriously
that even at seventy, for example, you'll plant olive trees--
and not for your children, either,
but because although you fear death you don't believe it,
because living, I mean, weighs heavier."

-Nazim Hikmet

spring/hope

did i mention that spring is the best time of the year? everything comes to life again after stagnant winter dormancy. the days are longer and we run around like bunnies.
birthday parties and the start of the baseball season. a buzz in the air.

springtime greeted madison by surprise the past couple days. it was amazing. boundless sunshine and warmth inspired bike rides and walks in the park. but as i have learned, this is a very transitory town. people come and go like no other place. go away for a week and half of your friends have moved to the west coast or fucking new york...

today spring left as soon as it arrived. the biting wind is back. the lakes are still frozen.
*

the past month i have been waiting, living outside of myself. but there is hope:

Greetings,
Letters to grant applicants informing them of the IAS Board's awarding decisionswere mailed yesterday. We will be posting information about grant recipients and their projects on our website very soon.
All my best,
andrea
Institute for Anarchist Studies

i will keep you posted.
spring is on its way.