first day of fall

yesterday was the last official day of summer. it was also the full moon. sarah sent me a text message about this, sort of as an equation; last day of summer+full moon=eek! endings and new beginnings aligning simultaneously. the uncertainty and magic of a new season that we call fall and sometimes autumn.

tyler called me last night while i was frying tofu. he just wanted to share a tip: at sunset the harvest moon would appear, full and larger than any other time in the next 2 decades. when that moment arrived it started raining lightly, the clouds obscuring this historic occurence. but it all made sense. friends came over to celebrate lv's triumphant 24 months of sobriety. endings, beginnings, and continuations.

the crutch and potential of endless possibility

right now, anything is possible. this is a good thing in some ways, but also pretty scary. when i wake up in the morning now i don't know what i am going to do. i know what i need to do--my list is growing longer every hour--it's that i don't have a space to get it all done. there are infinite spaces, but no space that is mine.

yesterday morning i decided that i would return to the library to do work after taking a 2 week break. i reached 43rd street on my bike and before i could start heading north from clark park another bicyclist passed me as the light turned green. this seemingly innocuous, insignificant event turned out to shape the rest of my day. with each red light i remained just behind my fellow bike-commuter and after 5 blocks of this i decided that i had enough. i took a sharp, desperate right at ludlow and continued to 40th street. this landed me at my favorite cafe with the most unfortunate of names. i would not be returning to the library afterall.

it was nice and quiet at the cafe when i arrived. i caught up with the barista about our favorite late-80's hardcore band, the one that she had the t-shirt of the week before. "what if the outfit of the barista affected your entire day?" she suggested as an idea for a sitcom. i thought it would make a better comicbook, even though neither of us are into comicbooks.

for the next 5 hours, i got work done. despite the heavy foot traffic on display through the cafe's sprawling windows, i concentrated and was productive. today i am back at the library, confident that i can carry that work ethic over. anything is possible.

september is an illusion

i can't emphasize enough how writing keeps me accountable--to my life goals, to my dreams. so basically, if i'm not writing then chances are pretty good that i'm not living in a way that's consistent with these things. or maybe it just means that i've been out of town. probably a little bit of both.

i enjoyed my late-summer adventure in massachusetts. it was so great to see emily and to go back down to the cape. so great to see all of my family too. we danced at silent disco in havard square thursday night, took a nap in the car and then hit the road. the weather had been dastardly all week, we were told, but became beautiful upon our arrival. we spent the weekend stretching the summer out as hard as we could. and then returning to philadelphia monday night, it's back to near 100 degrees. heatwave city. september is an illusion.

now i'm back to the grind, searching for my focus and motivation. as the restaurant school reopens from summer break i remind myself how grateful i am to not be working a wage job for someone else's profit. in order to sustain self-employment, i need to work harder and continue to take this work seriously. this is what i am doing.