between here and now and then

madison is a revolving door. almost all of the friends i have made here have already left. richard and kate are leaving today. i had breakfast with them this morning before their greyhound ride into the future. they're not coming back. and i don't know when i'm gonna see them again because they're travelling around mexico and beyond this summer, then moving to chicago in the fall. i miss them already. but soon it will be my time to leave too.

*the politics of living for the future*
i think we all want to live in the present as much as possible, but sometimes the present doesn't look so good and the only way to get through it is by looking ahead. the potentiality of next year, next month, next week, tomorrow can provide much needed inspiration. i think, like most things, it's important to reach a balance. to appreciate the present moment while plotting future plans for hope. i don't want to feel completely alienated from my current reality or lost in the present without a forward vision.

recently it's felt like my body has been going through the motions in madison, functioning with the rest of the central time zone, while my heart and brain has been elsewhere--a future dimension in a different land; a different reality. this fracture has been challenging but it should help me appreciate the summer after i leave. i want to feel alive again and to be around the ones i love.

and we won't stop until we are the people
that we decided we should be
i want to be a shot heard 'round the world
fucking unstoppable
this distance is not something we'll regret
between here and now and then and forever
and days after that 'til the very end

exit strategy

cough, cough, cough. writing songs in my head. temp-slavery awaits me this week and i need to get out of here. june couldn't come fast enough. my body is here but my heart is beating on the east coast of this giant land mass. all my friends have left or are leaving and everyday i ask why i am still in this strange college town. but it's not quite as drastic as it sounds because spring is here and that's what gets me through each day. but i'm getting pretty fucking impatient.

i want to run away and never look back.

years

hey! today is my birthday. "april seventh"--those words still hold a magical meaning for me. all those birthday parties of my youth, all the memories come back when i hear them. it's my birthday.

growing older is weird. like how you can talk about how something was ten years ago and really remember it as if it happened last week. ten years ago i started playing punk rock and that's when my life began to change. ten years from now? scary.

i like the number 24 though. it fits me right now. and i like even numbers better in general. here's to an amazing year...

"People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born."

-Albert Einstein