drifting across time and space

to the drifters! in hopes that our paths cross again.
to the homesick! home is when we do meet again.
our histories, our futures, our foundations, are hope.
it's a way to never forget. i'll say goodbye.
and hope never to mean it.
our love and our hope.
no nation or state can contain it.
-defiance, ohio

boston, ma

the past couple days haven't really happened. i have been living in my own time zone, unaware and cut off from my lifeworld. the sun sets, rises and then sets again--and i witnessed it all but with no recollection of rapid eye movement. i am still alivethough; very alive.

the train from chicago to boston left almost 5 hours later than scheduled. i left union station and took the santa express subway (replete with free candy canes) to the punkrock holiday party that i was missing. the soup was so good and silk nog too. and all the coolest most sincere people chicago has to offer. homefries is travelling too and she knows the guy that went to the same high school and college as me. she offers me the key to her apartment in boston. then we introduce ourselves. i look around and realize how lucky i am to be connected to all of this. it's amazing.

music and zine readings amongst the yummy food and wingnut film-maker and i find myself on the living room stage playing "other things" and "gardenhead."

to take on the world at all angles
requires a strength i can't use

i shouldn't be here, i explain...i'm suppose to be on a train right now. maybe i should get going soon. they scanned my finger print so i could use their lockers and my fresh guitar callouses made it difficult to retrieve my bag. spooky.

in chicago, ruth explained, you constantly run in to surprise people and have crazy coincidences. this is my life. yes, i know chris and adam too. i lived in that house in bushwick with them a couple summers ago. and there's katrina who knows you and went to school with me and lives in san francisco now but is from chicago so our paths cross at reckless records. she's arriving, i'm leaving.

backbackback...i think i said goodbye to everyone i could. and after danceparty, pizza, kitchen conversation, delerious packing and two hours of sleep i got on my fucking bike for the last time this year. biking down johnson i take a deep breath and it hits me that this is my last moment in madison until i return in february. i climb the stairs of 1042, lift the mailbox to place the package and i peak a glance at your last name, but it still remains a solitary letter. memory is a motherfucker. cross east wash. on ingersoll and gleefully wake up r and c. i felt so bad about not bowling last night and this is all i could do to show that i really care and am going to miss you. hugs, e-mail exchange and i can't miss my bus so i gotta go...

where am i? am i home yet? "but you don't know where you live," my mom warned me last week. i should call and get directions. for now, i drift.