early august medley

1.) homeless part II

walking down the street a man yelled out to me: "hey! dude with the dark sunglasses." he asked if i would be willing to donate a dollar to a charity for homeless people in the area. i hesitated, but then realized the weight of this request. i offered a dollar that i had received from tips at woodstar the night before. i told him that i didn't have a place to stay right now either and that i was sort of couchsurfing. he told me about how the church across the street has a place for folks to stay. i thanked him and told him that i have friends that will help me out and a potential home soon. "alright, i'll send a blessing up for you." i thanked him again and walked away as he discovered another guy with "dark sunglasses" who, from the hideous look on his face, did not appreciate having that pointed out to him. i walked thinking about everything, again confronted by my social privileges. most people who are truly homeless don't have the same options or resources as me. this is a situation of my own making that in actuality is just a nuisance, not an oppressive condition that i have to deal with for the rest of my life.

in fact, it will be over by the time that you even read this. i have been offered a room in a collective house in hadley and i am moving in tomorrow! the room is pink. the house is disbanding after the end of the month so it's temporary but it's cheap and amazing. so like i said before, i will be fine.

2.) no. i don't want to see you while you are in town this weekend.

i walk in defiance, trying not to make eye contact with cars as i walk around town. i look straight ahead or towards the tree tops so as not to seem defeated or as if i'm hiding from something. every fucking car that passes by is like a surviellance camera. i try to ignore it but it makes me even more of conscious of the possibility that i will be seen. this is bullshit. i slip up and look straight at the recently parked car. panic. my heart races and i begin walking faster. is my nightmare coming true? i walk around the corner without looking back...well, just once. i cross the street and i am free, for now. please leave...

3.) sleep-overs for survival.

thank you for letting me sleep in your bed. i feel like we've been friends all summer but i didn't even know your name when i got to your apartment thursday night. bodies traced on the porch with chalk like it's a crime scene as glass spins until the sun rises. this moment is rated PG-13 despite the suggestions, despite everything. i have to leave work early. a nap in the smith college campus center, newspaper at my side so it looks like i was just reading. i have keys to the office but the couches are too small. i have to wake up at 7:00 am so i return to your apartment before you leave for kareoke. thanks again for letting me sleep in your bed. you saved my life.

4.) i have a phone now.

please call me.